To my beloved October: Even after all we’ve been through—especially after all we’ve been through—I eagerly await your return every year. You’ve often delivered painful news + one particular life-changing, gut-punch loss, but inevitably, you never fail to bring me such joy. And because of that, I am endlessly fascinated by you. Thank you for being here. As I ache. As I seek. As I wonder. The gifts of this year are, as always, beautiful.
You are a marvel, October. And with all my heart, I am grateful for you. xo
Of roots firmly planted, blown by gently fierce, unanticipated winds, pushing arms to reach in a new direction. The ache of over there.
Of cellars dug into mountainsides, guarded by tiny cock-a-doodle doors, and the stories I create around unexplored passages. The ache and wonder of curiosity.
Of clinging to the edges, while flames invite me to join the heat, licking at me with just enough warmth to intrigue me. The ache and fear of wanting to catch fire.
Of being immobile except for my hair flowing with the tide all around me: back and forth, in and out. The ache and peace of drifting in an unknown sea.
Of standing still too long and letting grass grow beneath my feet, abandoning my journey. Of being almost where I want to be. The ache of oh-so-close.
Of roads less traveled, roads well traveled, people and places from anywhere and everywhere. Questioning whether I am coming or going, or if it matters. The ache and marvel of wanderlust.
Of facing the storm, acknowledging the dark, but focusing on the light. The ache and drama of the unknown.
Sunrise, sunset. So many hours spent gazing into goldeny-gray skies, anticipating and appreciating the spirit of the day and wondering what’s yet to come. The ache and awe of mystery.
Of clinging to familiar ideas, ways of being, thoughts and memories of so many yesterdays. The ache and agony of holding on and letting go.
Of bursting forth in a blaze of glory, shedding old skin and accepting new seasons with brilliant majesty. The ache, beauty and power of change.
Of my own ever-searching heart. The ache of seeking. The ache of wanting. The ache of discovery. The ache of elsewhere.